Hi, For the first time ever! 

I so so wanted to do this, to share my writing and what goes in my head with, talk to a forum, let my opinions be known and also listen to what others have to say. Write to my heart’s content and have people to share it with but not just any people. I want those people who share the same thoughts, who carry the same love and passion for writing, reading 📖 and so on. The people that I can call come from my side of the world. Where we are active beings and whose writing can make a difference in a good way. Where we understand each others Art. 

PS : This blog is solely for entertainment purpose only. Stay Blessed All. 
~ gulliena ❤️ 

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Brain 🧠 

My theory about sleep is that when you don’t have enough energy and subjects to think upon, you fall asleep. Simply, if you do not give your brain the rest it needs and you keep it working while you’re awake or even when you sleep, you’ll be exhausted both ways. 

And sometimes you are so awake as in, you keep thinking about things around and about that you find sleep hard. At once you want to achieve so much and you want so much to be done so quickly that you just want it to go your way right away. 

This happens with me alot and more so lately. I want to get somewhere in life. The more ups and downs I face, each time I think yes I am definitely right thinking that life can not be like it is. That there has to be a goal that i need to achieve. I need to study and grow my knowledge and have some skill, some talent, something to which i can turn to if i feel like. That if god forbid, there comes a bad time in my life I am able to hold my self up through it. No. It is not about facing bad times in life, but i want to be something someone better. I want to be educated. I crave the knowledge, the empowerment that women can get through being educated. Not that i am a total waste right now. No, i do have sense of right and wrong And awareness also but I need more.   It’s like I can’t explain. It’s like a rebellion within my own self. Of proving myself not to anybody but me myself. Of being able to be myself, follow my dreams and be able to tell myself that I knew that I had the capability. Of being a better, more intellectual person than I am today. 

Just a little note 

Just when you think everything – the world is going to end and then it doesn’t. Life gives us situations where we freak out and things are falling apart and you try to straighten things as much as you can and you want to catch whatever parts of it are falling and trying to join them so that you save it before its too late while your world is at stake. 

Well, past Sunday something like that happened. I believe ending things and relationships is so easy at such times but holding things together so unbearably painful and challengingly difficult. Really, if I hadn’t listen to my father and mother that day, I don’t know where things would have gone today or should I say that I know where things would have been like. Because as much as I have seen life, sometimes it’s not that we don’t understand other people but that we don’t want to understand them. On my parent’s insistence i put aside my ego that day (Tuesday night) and went home. It felt worse than you can imagine at that time but now at this moment I want to thank my parents immensely for guiding me to what was right. My home is safe because of them. My husband has gone to turkey and cyprus (on 6 oct 2018) with three of his friends (A, A & R).  And I am happily staying at Mom’s and I am at peace today as I plan to sleep now that it’s 5:49 am and I am exhausted by looking after my children and now that I have finally put my older one to sleep. I know, I know readers, that it’s so late and don’t freak out, but that’s how it is with him and his sleep timings. 

I hope whoever is reading this is happy and has their hearts full of hope and peace. That they believe that the divine power that  can hold up this universe together can also put things right in our life. 

~ love, gulliena. 

So about how my life is goin on 

If I analyse how i am doing with two kids and a hubby and be fair in my judgement ? Lemme share the good news, i am doing pretty well. 

I love both of my babies and do a fine job of giving them enough attention. Also i get depressed postpartum stuff and all and i cry in my low times but right now, today, in this moment, i feel like a proud mother of two and quite successful but not so much. I am being a good mother but not doing so well as a wife. Well, my husband it seems is not so happy with me. We had huge argument two days back. But i feel it’s ok since its past and I wasn’t the one who was wrong. 

My strategy has been to love both children so much at all times even when I’d like to scream out of frustration or fatigue because it’s a very tiring job. Because if i control myself in those moments I don’t torment my self later and take on the burden of guilt and feel like a failure for shouting at my kids who are like angels to me; so innocent and sweet like flowers. I love love my son and daughter more more and more with each passing breath and they mean the world to me. 

Today was second eid ul adha 1439. 

23 august 2018 Thursday. 

New Beginnings ~<3

Hey to all of you out there! Today I am writing after ages and glad am I to share that 6 days back, I gave birth to my 2nd baby, it’s a girl!

Life Update 

Hi all, gulliena here. So a lot went on that you aren’t aware of, that i haven’t updated you with and it’s been a while. 

We just came back from our US trip on Thursday and it was wonderful and disastrous all at the same time. But it would be a lie if i would say we didn’t have fun. It’s such a lovely place. More than that, I loved the people there. They are so nice and loving and always are willing to help. We saw a lot of things that I had only heard of in movies and it was all together an amazing experience. I met my sis who came all the way from Toronto canada to buffalo, Niagra Falls and i got so happy. It was an eighteen days trip and we went to Newyork, Buffalo Niagara Falls, Orlando Florida, Miami, LasVegas and then Los Angeles. 

When Bestfriends Drift Apart </3

You know the other day, i was thinking of school days and the friendships that I had. I miss my best friend from those days so much. But in the last year of school we drift apart so bad there was no getting back and i had no say in it. Like, because of her falling grades she was told by her parents to just not indulge in any friendships or activities and surprisingly she listened to them. She chose to not be friends with me anymore and the rest was the same. I was devastated. Our friendship meant so much to me. I could do anything to save it. To this day i miss my best friend from those days cuz i haven’t been able to come across another person who would be my bff. I don’t want her back specifically because I don’t like the person she has become but the friend that i had in her during 7th to 10th grade. In life, we need friends really! Cuz there are things you can’t tell a family member, you can’t share it with our moms, husbands or just anybody. But if you have a friend, it makes life so much better. You can just say what you want, what you feel like and everything will be dumped out of your system and you can vent your heart out and everything will be fine later and then you can just relax having shared your stories with someone reliable and someone who you know wouldn’t let you down ever and vice-versa. 
Have you had to go through such a time? People think that break-ups make you feel all of that related to heartbreak but when best friends drift apart it’s even worse i think. 

Guilty

I feel so small and shallow at the moment. I feel so bad and guilty. I have absolutely nothing in control. I can’t control my rising temper and it’s so bad. I just screamed at my son for the first time ever and I feel like the worst mom ever. And now he’s asleep and i need some kind of assurance that he’s ok and if he still loves me and that he’s not going to think of me as a bad mom. I mean some of it might sound absurd to many of you but to me it matters a million trillion times. 

It’s not fair when parents do that. Children are supposed to annoy you and get you angry but as parents we should be patient and show them love and find humour in their antics. Its not his fault that I an having another baby and experiencing worse kinds of mood swings. That is what makes me so nervous about this whole situation whether I am cut out for this or not. If i can give enough love to both of my babies the best way or not, if i am able to not neglect anyone of them and nail this thing. 

My heart really goes out for my son. I feel really bad and guilty that i am going to have another baby so soon and whether it’s negligence or what. Because I planned to give him so much love, all the love I could and I am not so sure that if this is going to be good for him or bad. 

Crazy Way To Go. 

This was pretty unplanned and by unplanned, i mean, very very out of the way of being planned. It might sound crazy but really, I never ever thought that i’d be expecting again anytime so soon and it was such a blow to me, for a while I thought that the whole thing would fade away. Just when I was getting somewhere in my life as in, in relationship with my husband, was getting to know motherhood better and thinking that I can handle it well, just when my first baby started to get set in his routine and finally was getting close to sleeping well through the nights with less nursing sessions than before.. I GET PREGNANT. 

It was a big blow for me, I couldn’t handle it. I cried and prayed that it wouldn’t be the truth for sometime but than learnt to accept it as it is by God’s will. It’s a blessing and so many people and couples out there are trying and not being able to get it, so I should be thankful. Now I am mostly and I really think that maybe I’ll be able to get it right this time also. I was very happy with my only child and sometimes feel that it might be unfair to him but then maybe pife will become much more enjoyable and fun with two. If one can bring so much goodness and happiness then two would be way to go.! 

I just hope things go in the right direction InshaAllah. And thankyou Allah. 

Have you been through such times? Do you think that it’s ok to have the second baby with a one year gap between the first and second ? 

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